Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
