listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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