I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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