My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
