sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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