i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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