Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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