I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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