she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
