i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
