Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
