I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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