My sheets look like a crime scene.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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