Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
