You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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