went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
