So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
