You surviving the open bar?
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Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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