Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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