By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
