i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
