Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
