i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
