Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
