well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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