This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
