mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
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he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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