I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
