I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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