Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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