So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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