Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
