Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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