The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
