I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
