You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
