I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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