I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
