i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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