now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
