I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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