we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
