Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
