The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar