The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So vagazzling was a success
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.