I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
