Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
