I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
