I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i think im in europe. pls send help
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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