i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So drunk its hurt
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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