Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I love you. Go after that dick
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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