and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
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He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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