i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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