dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
