whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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