i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
