Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just blew my weed a kiss
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
