so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
