it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
