dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You took a bar mat shot.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
