I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
