I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just had sex on a roof
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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