so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
